Canned climate science

Canned Climate Science

Limited distribution licences available now — be quick!

Apply now for a distribution licence in your community. Join us in the hottest money-making opportunity in the last 20 years. This is better than owning a bank —
it’s a licence to print money!
Operators are waiting in your area – call now

0900 SAVE THE CLIMATE

Wanna be a scientist?

Become an entrepreneur instead and sidestep those difficult university courses. Earn much more money than a scientist – but still share the prestige of saving the planet. Obama knows all about it. Can we do it? Yes we can! This is even easier than issuing carbon-footprint certificates.

Already a scientist?

Unleash climatology’s true potential (to scare people) – no messing about with expensive, time-consuming experiments that might not prove anything. Don’t be stuck in your laboratory for a moment longer – get onto the street and smell the fear! Our cans hold the secret to your success!

Running a university?

Distribute the true bottom line results of climate science without the expensive satellites. Never buy another spreadsheet program. Save on all those extravagant professorial salaries, but still keep the mayor and councillors in awe of your leading-edge scientific knowhow. Our canned terror is the real thing!

Know nothing about the climate?

Make lots of money anyway – distribute our range of canned climate products in your community. People love being terrified – the customers queue up for our products and can’t get enough of them. Remember, get them started on our products in Kindergarten and they’ll be yours for life!

Our range now better than ever!

With the recent introduction of A Vague Sense of Unease, our product line is complete, right up to the literally heart-stopping Mortal Terror. Keep these babies going out the door and listen to your neighbourhood scream through the night!

Government certified and licensed by the IPCC under the Tropical Grasslands Protocol, successor to the short-lived Antarctic Protocol, after it refused to melt.

8 Thoughts on “Canned climate science

  1. Richard C (NZ) on November 7, 2011 at 12:59 pm said:

    First batch of ESCALATING PANIC was sold out – snapped up by main-stream-media apparently.

  2. Great news! I love the “A Vague Sense of Unease” brand!

    Could you perhaps go into partnership with Coca Cola and WWF to support their Polar Bear Coke range?

    Every can goes to help a polar bear!
    http://www.cspnet.com/news/beverages/articles/coca-cola-turns-red-cans-white-polar-bears

    Maybe some petrol companies want to get in too?
    Shell Amazonian stickers?
    BP worry beads?
    Caltex “Sinking Island” souvenirs?

    The possibilities are endless…

  3. Richard C (NZ) on November 7, 2011 at 1:30 pm said:

    Due to the market uptake of its previous four products, the UN IPCC are working on synthesizing a new blend of GOBBLEDEGOOK – due for release at the end of October 2014.

  4. Richard C (NZ) on November 7, 2011 at 1:39 pm said:

    New from Z – Climate Change Zzzzzz

  5. Clarence on November 7, 2011 at 1:59 pm said:

    Al Gore is considering taking suit.

    He claims he invented all of these concepts at about the same time as he invented the internet.

  6. I remember doing a brief stint in the school army cadets and discovering “compo rations”, where absolutely everything is canned, including the can openers.

  7. I think that was my first introduction to government-sponsored circular reasoning, at the tender age of about 14

  8. excellent post! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Post Navigation